i've been pretty content with my life lately, working and going to school.
and i meet this guy that awesome and i hope i don't screw things up with him.
even tatyana noticed a difference in me, and so has alex.
"you seem a lot more different when your actually happy."
i am happy, most of the time.
lately i just feel happy, which is different than being just plain 'happy'.
i don't know if that makes any sense at all,
i haven't been content with my life, so when i resurrected this feeling of euphoria that i haven't had in a while, people would notice i suppose.
although it takes all my energy to keep up with it.
but all together worth it definietly.
(:

In the Aeroplane over the Sea

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me

Anna's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees

Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
And now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winter clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

so i think im going to be those cat/dog/bird/animal lady when i grow up.











future well planned out?
i think so.
makes me a little excited to age into a decrepit women with no teeth.

OVER. IT.


short lived?
yep.

when the humor goes, all hell breaks loose.

fall, i love everything about it, except this year the weather has been cold one day, then hot as fuck another.
and with this flux of everchanging weather comes this lovely thing called flu, and yes, i've been sick with the cough or fever.
but my mom thinks its from the lack of sleep and unhealthiness.
either way it's not going to help me when i'm about to cough up a fucking lung. expecially since all this coughing fucked up my back, where as i can't even sleep the way i used too (on the right side) without pain shooting up my sides.

and on top of that everyone thinks they're life sucks, and finds countless pathetic reasons to bitch about their petty 'problems'.
"sarah, your not listening."
look, i merely stated something about my outlook on what they're complaining about and all i get it more bitching, or how i don't get their problems.
but they continue to bitch anyways.

GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

no offense or anything, but when everyone bitchs about love, family, friends, etc. and wanting pity from me. instead of pity, i think they're pathetic.
pathetic because they are looking in such a narrow view about everything they define as 'the most horrible thing in their life' and 'i think i just want to die because my problems are making me lean that way'.
pathetic because they drown themselves in their own self-pity, and wanting to find someone who can bless them with more pity.
self-pity is one of the most horrible things you can do to yourself in my opinion.
their fucking life is SO hard to deal with right?
don't you have a job?
a roof over your head?
working body and mind?(at least to the extent of doing simple things like walk, talk, eat, sleep, etc.)
just because your girlfriend/boyfriend didn't do things the way you wated to go doesn't mean your life sucks. just because your life isn't going the way you persumed it would go doesn't mean you should start crying. just because the illusion of 'love' you feel didn't quite turn out the way you wanted to doesn't mean your life suck. just because someone's not texting you back, or calling, or not seeings things the way you see it DOESN'T MEAN YOUR LIFE SUCKS.

am i the only one that's concentrating on school and wanting to get the fuck out of here?!
(i doubt that, but lately it appears so.)

and if i really wanted to bitch my life (where as no one cared enough to ask how I'M doing, since everything wither revolves around them and their problems) i have A LOT to bitch about.
but i figured that it's nothing to trouble people with, but you know sometimes i just want to punch the walls and shit.


k, now i'm going to start bitching about my life and be a hyprocrite, bye.

It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and I don't believe in coincidences.

i should be doing my essay, or reading the book that we were assigned to read weeks ago.
but then there's always sparknotes of the reading part,
and the essay is good enough in my opinion.

ah procrastionation and laziness is a horrible curse.

and yet again, such as reality has done so in many ways, has eluded me.

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here.

sitting here,
distorting my vision and mind,
where does it go?
how did i lose?
my head

all i want to do is
close my eyes
and dream of dreams i won't have
all i need
is a ladder
and i can paint the skies

i don't remember
i don't remember

i woke up today
and i found my head
floating in the abyss of my conscience
and i found
my life
singing songs of bounding

where did i go?
where do i go?

i woke up today
i didn't feel so great
maybe i'll
take myself
to another mind set
again

over and over
again
over and over

again

all i need
is a ladder
and i can touch the skies
all i need
is a ladder
so i can paint my mind.

all i need is a ladder and i can paint the skies.

If evil means to be self-motivated, to be the center of one's own universe, to live on one's own terms, then every artist, every thinker, every original mind, is evil. Because we dare to look through our own eyes rather than mouth cliches lent us from the so-called fathers.

awake is the new sleep.

god i hate the dance thats popular around here called 'jerking'. such a ugly, no-skill-involved dance, when i heard people say to each other, 'hey let's go to the club and jerk', no to be sick-minded and all, but it brings few thoughts that makes me giggle.

oh and to top it off, a group of these 'jerkers' that dances in a group are called (HAHAHAHA), 'circle jerking'.

BWHAHAHAHAHA.

jeremy left for san francisco today):

"Today, I interviewed a woman who is terminally ill. "So," I tried to delicately ask, "What is it like to wake up every morning and know that you are dying?" "Well," she responded, "What is it like to wake up every morning and pretend that you are not?" MMT